Just thoughts...that need 2 leave my head ;-)

"you ever had just one of those days??"

So recently, I just posted a "vent" blog concerning my accident that happened in October. I have been trying to deal with my feelings concerning what happened off and on so I guess technically this is going to be another vent type blog.
1. Since being hurt, playing the piano for hours and hours doesn't quite cut it. I can't sit in that position for tooo long. That sucks because piano is one of the ways the I truly escape.
2. Dancing-(praise)/(regular): takes a lot out of me. I have to rest up for a very long time after i praise dance in church. The last time i danced in church i was laid up in bed for a good week<<< thats crazy. I used to be the hype one, the one that tried to do flips and what not lol. Now I need a back brace and some muscle rub when its over.
3. EXERCISE= negativo. Docs/specialist say do not do anything that hurts in terms of exercising- so grant it just about your basic stretching reallly hurts so i'm like WHAT CAN I DO.
4. I work with kids so i need to be at my best at all times with kids there is really no time to be 50 percent you know. Most of the time I'm not 100 percent i don't really have time to get to that point.
5. One thing that really gets me is that i suffered something terrible this past winter and i dreamed of warmer weather because i thought it would help ease the pain. Why did i not factor in fans/air conditioners as having the same affect on my body as if it were cold/wintery outside. WHY does it seems like the fans/air conditioners are 20 times worse. I JUST DONT KNOW.

side bar- i miss writing poetry or at least my version of it. I haven't really written anything/ shown it to other people since my friend Chris was shot and killed/ and then I got hurt. I wish that I could tap into the side of myself again and not be afraid to share it. My words have power and I want to edify people.

~I miss that good ole paper and pin~
a_co

Vent

"The day it happened- me at phe at the gym"


In October 2009,
I along with a few friends from churches in the area went away on a youth retreat.
While on this retreat, we went rock climbing. I of course thoroughly enjoyed myself that weekend I was carefree, and careless. Trying every activity, leading the pack in so many events, but there was one that brought about a change that I was not ready for-
I was swinging on a rope in a team building activity and before I knew it, I had swung head first into this rock filled wall. I heard my head smack that wall and little did i know at the time that my neck,spine, and lower back were also injured as a result of that one swing that went the wrong way.
I have often thought about - what if i wasn't the first to go or what if i had started swinging with a lil less force, but those questions remain unanswered. Sometimes i say thank God it was me and not any1 else. Other times i want to scream WHY ME. In spite of the fact that I give God all thanks and praise for the fact that i lived through that experience, it hurts to think about it often, that I lived through that and others have died from similar experiences. I'm still here and there are times when I don't even know why. I try to convince myself and others that its all good when sometimes its not. The pain can be too much, it can reach that unbearable moment, but pain stops for no one right? I still have to keep moving, shaking doing the things that need to be done.
So when the temperature drops or it precipitates, or when its mad cold in a room or something those same injuries those many months ago hurt as if it happened all over again and thats the real frustrating part. That such a traumatic experience at least for me can be constantly relived again and again and again. Every time when I have to think twice about how I am going to put my pants on in the morning- it hits me all over again. I joke about a lot and I mean a lot because thats just how my family and I deal with painful situations but there comes a time when NERVE DAMAGE stops being funny and I guess i have to accept it that its the reality and its the extent of the injuries.
Being "saved" I often find makes it MAD difficult to at least be honest about being mad at God, and I say that because you fear you are not honoring Him or showing the proper love and respect if you get really mad, but I guess idk maybe I dont have this Christianity thing figured out then cause there are times that I get reallllllly mad because of what i deal with on a consistent basis. For me My God understands my anger tho- my anger does not reach the point where I want to walk away from Him or His word Or His teachings. Even tho- i know He gets it its still hard sometimes i think i am redundant in my prayers. bUT IF I don't pray I have no clue what i'd do.
Through it all tho- theres been this one song recently that really has made it all worthwhile "MY Help" adapted from Psalm 121 there is sooooo much power in that song. So much Healing because one thing I have learned through all this frustrating pain is that God is my help through it all.

"Yup it hurts that much sometimes"



hair style changed forever since that day!!!

Be blessed- theres my vent!:)

I am

currently dealing with a lot of things in my life. Brand-new things. 21 years old and sometimes it doesn't feel like it, and other times when i feel the world spinning out of control, i remember. Fast track into the future doesnt always feel the best!

New Assignment

Currently in CSC 151-

I am beginning to understand how to use the several applications on google. Most of the most beneficial ones have been Google documents, sites, and calendar. Gmail also is very helpful because a lot information can come through the email, and i can view my other email addresses from this one.