In October 2009,
I along with a few friends from churches in the area went away on a youth retreat.
While on this retreat, we went rock climbing. I of course thoroughly enjoyed myself that weekend I was carefree, and careless. Trying every activity, leading the pack in so many events, but there was one that brought about a change that I was not ready for-
I was swinging on a rope in a team building activity and before I knew it, I had swung head first into this rock filled wall. I heard my head smack that wall and little did i know at the time that my neck,spine, and lower back were also injured as a result of that one swing that went the wrong way.
I have often thought about - what if i wasn't the first to go or what if i had started swinging with a lil less force, but those questions remain unanswered. Sometimes i say thank God it was me and not any1 else. Other times i want to scream WHY ME. In spite of the fact that I give God all thanks and praise for the fact that i lived through that experience, it hurts to think about it often, that I lived through that and others have died from similar experiences. I'm still here and there are times when I don't even know why. I try to convince myself and others that its all good when sometimes its not. The pain can be too much, it can reach that unbearable moment, but pain stops for no one right? I still have to keep moving, shaking doing the things that need to be done.
So when the temperature drops or it precipitates, or when its mad cold in a room or something those same injuries those many months ago hurt as if it happened all over again and thats the real frustrating part. That such a traumatic experience at least for me can be constantly relived again and again and again. Every time when I have to think twice about how I am going to put my pants on in the morning- it hits me all over again. I joke about a lot and I mean a lot because thats just how my family and I deal with painful situations but there comes a time when NERVE DAMAGE stops being funny and I guess i have to accept it that its the reality and its the extent of the injuries.
Being "saved" I often find makes it MAD difficult to at least be honest about being mad at God, and I say that because you fear you are not honoring Him or showing the proper love and respect if you get really mad, but I guess idk maybe I dont have this Christianity thing figured out then cause there are times that I get reallllllly mad because of what i deal with on a consistent basis. For me My God understands my anger tho- my anger does not reach the point where I want to walk away from Him or His word Or His teachings. Even tho- i know He gets it its still hard sometimes i think i am redundant in my prayers. bUT IF I don't pray I have no clue what i'd do.
Through it all tho- theres been this one song recently that really has made it all worthwhile "MY Help" adapted from Psalm 121 there is sooooo much power in that song. So much Healing because one thing I have learned through all this frustrating pain is that God is my help through it all.
"Yup it hurts that much sometimes"
hair style changed forever since that day!!!Be blessed- theres my vent!:)
